What is a Relationship?

The relationship between God and man must be first, good and, second, personal. It is possible to have a relationship that is not personal, such as that of a citizen to a governor or President, and it is certainly true that some relationships, though personal, are not good. But any good, personal relationship is made up of the following three distinct, but equally essential aspects.

INITIAL DISCOVERY—There must come a time when, through some type of revelation, we discover in a person that of which we were previously unaware; when we notice qualities in their lives that attract us to them and set them apart from others.

Lovers can often pinpoint the precise moment when they begin to notice their beloved. The realization may have come as a result of an act of unselfishness on the part of their beloved, or perhaps a banner performance under pressure. Often the realization will not come during or even immediately following the incident, but days, weeks or months afterward. In time the accumulated weight of repeated demonstrations of character slowly forces the fact out of the subconscious into conscious realization. This is the moment of initial discovery.

Although in an altogether different context, this initial discovery is also present in the love relationship between parent and child. At first, the relationship is little more than self-love on the part of the infant. The new life is a part of the parents. Their life has been transferred and extended through that of the child. In a very real sense they love the child as themselves because that child is part of them, Later on, however, when the child manifests his own character and personality, there is room for additional discovery.

Scripture indicates that God relates to us in virtually all potential relationships:

FRIEND

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends, if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves; for the slave does not know what his Master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. —John 15:13-15

LOVER

O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your form is lovely… My beloved is mine, and I am his; He pastures his flock among the lilies. —Song of Solomon 2:14,16 (NASB)

Let us rejoice and be glad and give glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. And it was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. —Revelation 19:7-8 (NASB)

FAMILY

Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate, says the Lord. And do not touch what is unclean; and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, and and you shall be sons and daughters to Me, says the Lord God Almighty. —2 Corinthians 6:17-18 (NASB)

MUTUAL COMMITMENT—Initial discovery can be a wonderful experience, but it will prove little more if it is not used as a stepping stone to commitment. Commitment must be on a reciprocal basis before a relationship exists. If initiative is important, response is vital. As long as one party is unwilling to commit to the other, no relationship can possibly exist.

In a proper love relationship, it is impossible for one party to be the subject while the other remains strictly the object. A relationship is an interchange; both parties are alternately both a subject and an object. Each party has a role to play whether it be initiative or response. But it must be one or the other.

DURATION—No true relationship is static; it is a dynamic phenomenon. It moves, it goes somewhere. A relationship will either grow or deteriorate depending on the freewill decisions of the partners. Original commitments are not necessarily lasting ones. They must be maintained. Commitment must move along with the relationship, for if it does not, the relationship, like a car without fuel, will come to a halt. But although a motionless car remains a car, a motionless relationship is no relationship. Without commitment a relationship halts, and when a relationship halts, it ceases to exist.

Once Saved, Always Saved?

This question is of course the primary question of the doctrine of eternal security. Adherents of this doctrine insist that an initial commitment to Christ is a binding, eternal matter. Continual commitment of faith in order to maintain a dynamic (moving) relationship is unnecessary.

It is taught in Ephesians 1:13-14 that, after a person has believed (a finished act), he is sealed with the Holy Spirit until the redemption of the purchased possession. This passage once and for all rules out the argument that one must continue to believe. There is no need for continuous faith on the part of the saved person…[1]

The emphasis on an initial, rather than a continuing commitment, is clear.

We have previously mentioned that a true relationship must be maintained through the mutual consent of those involved. Eternal security advocates are quick to point out that we are talking about salvation and not relationship. Again we find a technical theology apart from an involvement theology. It is a twisted conception of relationship that leads a man to say, "He lost his fellowship with his Lord, but not his salvation." Our salvation is that we are reconciled to God in a loving, happy fellowship!

It is our responsibility to discover God's conditions in the matter of salvation, and then fulfill them! Having examined faith and repentance, we now turn our attention to the third and final condition of salvation continuance.

The "IF" Condition

Gordon C. Olson, in his manual entitled Sharing Your Faith, gives one of the finest and most concise definitions of truth, as follows:

Truth is simply a true perspective, or a true picture in all proper proportions, of what exists.[2]

Despite many volumes written supporting a "once saved, always-saved" doctrine, when we honestly examine the words of Scripture' we must not take the position of unqualified eternal security without question. An examination of biblical texts pins this false assurance to the floor. Continual commitment as a condition of salvation is well established. Guy Duty, in If Ye Continue, states:

An impartial truth-seeker accepts facts as he finds them. He has no personal preference. A Bible doctrine cannot be established merely by someone making a dogmatic statement.[3]

Consider God's "If" condition in first the Old and then the New Testaments.

The Old Testament

But if your heart turns away and you will not obey, but are drawn away and worship other gods and serve them, I declare to you today that you shall surely perish. You shall not prolong your days in the land where you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess it. —Deuteronomy 30:17-18 (NASB)

If you forsake the Lord and serve foreign gods, then He will turn and do you harm and consume you after He has done good to you. —Joshua 24:20 (NASB)

If you will fear the Lord and serve Him, and listen to His voice and not rebel against the command of the Lord, then both you and also the king who reigns over you will follow the Lord your God. And if you will not listen to the voice of the Lord, but rebel against the command of the Lord, then the hand of the Lord will be against you… —1 Samuel 12:14-15 (NASB)

As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts, and understands every intent of the thoughts. If you see Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever. —1 Chronicles 28:9 (NASB)

Thus says the Lord of hosts, 'If you will walk in My ways, and if you perform My service, then you will also govern My house… and I will grant you free access among these who are standing here.' —Zechariah 3:7 (NASB)

The New Testament

Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If any one wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.' —Matthew 16:24 (NASB)

Jesus therefore was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, "If you abide in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine." —John 8:31 (NASB)

If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments, and abide in His love. —John 15:10 (NASB)

But I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified. —I Corinthians 9:27 (NASB)

And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach—if indeed you continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of the gospel that you have heard, which was proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, was made a minister. —Colossians 1:21-23 (NASB)

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things; for as you do this you will insure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. —I Timothy 4:16 (NASB)

But Christ was faithful as a Son over His house whose house we are, if we hold fast our confidence and the boast of our hope firm until the end. Therefore, just as the Holy Spirit says, "Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as when they provoked Me, as in the day of trial in the wilderness, where your fathers tried Me by testing Me, and saw My Works for forty years. Therefore, I was angry with this generation, and said, "They always go astray with their heart; and they did not know My ways"; As I swore in My wrath, "They shall not enter My rest."' Take care, brethren, lest there should be in any one of you an evil unbelieving heart, in falling away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called 'Today,' lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end. —Hebrews 3:6-14 (NASB)

"For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God, and put Him to open shame. For ground that drinks the rain which often falls upon it and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is tilled, receives a blessing from God; but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being cursed, and it ends up being burned." —Hebrews 6:4-8 (NASB)

But My righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul has no pleasure in him. But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul. —Hebrews 10:38-39 (NASB)

But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man shall be blessed in what he does. —James 1:25 (NASB)

Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble. —2 Peter 1:10 (NASB)

You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, be on your guard lest, being carried away by the error of unprincipled men, you fall from your own steadfastness. —2 Peter 3:17 (NASB)

And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, 'I have come to know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him. —1 John 2:3-5 (NASB)

As for you, let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you you also will abide in the Son and in the Father. —1 John 2:24 (NASB)

For if God did not spare the natural branches, neither will He spare you. Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God's kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off. And they also, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in; for God is able to graft them in again. For if you were cut off from what is by nature a wild olive tree, how much more shall these who are the natural branches be grafted into their own olive tree? —Romans 11:21-24 (NASB)

The specified if-condition lies deep in Paul's thinking. The Jews would be grafted in again 'if they abide not still in unbelief.' And the Gentiles would also be broken off 'if' they did not 'continue' in faith.[4] Jesus said:

If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered… and they are burned. —John 15:6

Here in Romans 11, Paul gave the if-condition its full force… There is salvation in God's covenant tree for those who 'abide' in it. Paul had no doctrine such as 'once in the Tree, always in the Tree.[5]

God's gift of salvation can certainly never be earned nor merited. We are saved as a result of God's decision to offer us something we didn't deserve: grace. This fact however does not negate the biblical insistence that salvation is also conditional. No condition will save us. Fulfilling a condition merely prepares the way for God to exercise that loving grace without which we would have perished. The conditions of salvation, repentance, faith and continuance are important because God has emphasized them. Yet, as we observe God's desire to restore and then sustain a relationship with His creation, the logic behind His conditions is unmistakable.

The Source of Condemnation

Subjects such as continuance in faith, discipleship and the lordship of Jesus are shunned today by a great number of ministers as well as laypeople. But when Jesus came into our world He brought two equally significant messages:

1. His love carried no condemnation

For God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved. —John 3:17

2. His love did carry expectations

If you love Me, you will keep my commandments… He who has My commandments, and keeps them, he it is who loves Me… —John 14:15,21 (NASB)

The Bible tells us that Jesus did not come to condemn the world but to save it—to save it from those very things that were condemning it. He came to shed light in the darkness so that men, with His assistance, could view their dangerous activity. It is wonderful for the truth seeker because he will gravitate toward the light; it is dangerous because the lover of darkness will seek to put it out.

And this is the judgment, that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God. —John 3:19-21 (NASB)

In Jesus' mission to redeem humankind, His ultimate aim was to win us back into relationship. He called all to follow Him, wanting us to emulate who it was we followed. He desired to be with the ones He loved, but this fellowship was to be a divine school as well.

If any one serve Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there shall My servant also be… —John 12:26 (NASB)

Although Jesus' love was not condemning, it was nevertheless full of expectation. When the Lord stated, "If you love me… keep my commandments," the implication was clear that love required obedience. Jesus, knowing that we need Him, requires our total allegiance for our sakes. When we do not obey fully, conviction sets in as God lovingly prods us to keep us from damaging ourselves.

Today churches are filled with people harboring unconfessed sin in their lives. God's normal response to these who most often know better, is to send conviction. This conviction is often intensified as we are confronted through a sermon or the reproof of a friend. If we love our sin more than God, we will attack His servants and their message. Trying to pry the conviction out of our lives, we condemn it and blame "harsh teaching". Many who suffer from guilt feelings are suffering not from condemnation but because they are actually guilty! If we try to rid ourselves of that guilt which is the result of our sin through any means other than God's prescribed method of confession and repentance, we open ourselves to danger and deception. "Whoso covereth his sin shall not prosper" (Prov. 28:13).

The source, then, of condemnation is located in one of the following situations:

1. Human or demonic agents refusing to grant rest to a soul who has genuinely confessed and repented of his sin.
2. Confounding conviction and condemnation in order to soothe guilt feelings accompanying unconfessed sin.

The honest disciple of Christ need not experience guilt feelings if he has done in earnest all our Lord has commanded us to do.

Alter Relationships

An altar is a place of beginnings. In marriage it is the initiation of a lifelong relationship. In salvation it is the initiation of an eternal relationship.* Marriage vows are repeated in the aura of love. It is the love that gives the vows their power. Although we would like to say the vows should be a permanent, once-and-for-all exercise, for many they are not. In the United States today, we are faced with the tragic spectre of one out of every two marriages ending in divorce.

When you repeat your marriage vows, they are a public declaration of your intention to continue in the marriage. Without continuance, the altar and the vows are meaningless. When you prayed the "sinner's prayer", when you "confessed with your mouth", it was a public declaration of your intention to continue in faith. Here again, although we'd like to say faith is a finished act, the Bible teaches that it is possible for an individual to wander away from his first love. When the flame of love begins to flicker and we grow lukewarm, the relationship is over (Revelation 3:15-16).

Inevitably someone will propose that it is possible to be separated and out of relationship and still be legally married. We need to remember that God will not force anything on us (including His name) that we do not want. To discuss requirements apart from relationship is legalism. To be legally united without a relationship is legalism. A relationship must move; it cannot be left at the altar!

Discipleship: Legalism or Love?

Those who consider all the talk about discipleship and continuance to be a legalistic manifestation of works generally maintain that we ought to rest in faith alone. Whatever happens in our lives must be God's doing. It is His power working in us and through us. Although this assertion is true, it also stands incomplete. Again we must remember that when we enter into salvation, we enter a relationship. We cannot always be looking at what God will do for us. Certainly we ought to consider God's feelings in this relationship. Does He not deserve the moments of pleasure and gratification that our obedience and surrender can bring Him? Why are we always looking for theological loopholes to escape the responsibilities of a relationship?

Often the analogy is used of a child using his father's money to purchase a special gift for the father. Although the gift was purchased by means provided by the father, this does not, we are told, in any way diminish the impact of the expression. While this argument is accurate as far as it goes, it does not take into account our relationship to Christ as lover. He is spoken of as the Bridegroom, we as his bride. Don't we sing choruses to him as the "Lover of My Soul?" In this love relationship, pleasure can in no way be self-induced. It must come as a free will origination of another moral being. Only then will the soul rest in satisfaction. The rest of faith must not be considered as a cessation of activity, but rather an internal confidence in the character of our Beloved. As in marriage, from the altar and beyond, we relax in the surety that we have chosen the right one.

Discipleship is merely a "following out of love." It is to obey Christ's commandments because they are wise, loving, and for the good of our relationship. But when Jesus asks us to do something, we must learn to do it—rather than change the request to mean what suits us. Dietrich Bonhoeffer looks at this issue in light of Jesus' confrontation with the rich young man.

We are excusing ourselves from single-minded obedience to the word of Jesus on the pretext of legalism and a supposed preference for an obedience 'in faith.' The difference between ourselves and the rich young man is that he was not allowed to solace his regrets by saying: 'Never mind what Jesus says, I can still hold on to my riches… despite my inadequacy I can take comfort in the thought that God has forgiven me my sins and can have fellowship with Christ in faith. But no, he went away sorrowful. Because he would not obey, he could not believe.

If Jesus said to someone: 'Leave all else behind and follow me' …if Jesus challenged us with the command: 'Get out of it,' we should take Him to mean: 'Stay where you are, but cultivate that inward detachment.' When orders are issued in other spheres of life there is no doubt whatsoever of their meaning. Are we to treat the commandment of Jesus differently from other orders and exchange obedience for downright disobedience? Struggling against the 'legalism' of simple obedience… we land ourselves in the worst kind of legalism. The only way to overcome this legalism is by real obedience to Christ when He calls us… by eliminating simple obedience… we take it for granted as we open the Bible that we have a key to its interpretation. But then the key we use would not be the Living Christ… the key we use is a general doctrine of grace which we can apply as we will.[6]

Spiritual Assassins

No one who falls away from God does so on a moment's impulse. The implications are far too severe and the hold of God is strong. There must be a plot, a plan, a conspiracy if you will, to subvert the rightful rulership of Christ in our hearts. This conspiracy unfolds over a duration of time that may even take years. But when one thinks he has gotten away with little, he will often take much. After a gradual erosion of our conscience's influence, we become ultimately open for a more full-scale revolt.

Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed quickly, therefore the hearts of the sons of men among them are given fully to do evil. —Ecclesiastes 8:11 (NASB)

This conspiracy unfolds in the human heart. No kingdom is a bona fide kingdom unless it has a king. For every man and woman, that king will either be King Jesus or King Self. Since we are now discussing a process occurring within the Christian life, we will place the rightful ruler, King Jesus, on the throne. The conspiracy to remove Him from the heart escalates through four distinct stages.

INITIAL SIN—Usually an underground army trying to overthrow a government is comparatively small in terms of men and weapons. A hit-and-run-type warfare is often employed as an alternative to brute force. Often in situations such as the ones we have viewed recently in Zimbabwe-Rhodesia and El Salvador, warfare unfolds with a sniper's bullet downing a border guard at some remote station. Although it is highly probable that the majority of citizens in the capital city many miles away know nothing of the events, the security of the kingdom has suffered an undetected breakdown. If this situation is not immediately rectified by reinforcements, enemy troops will pour through the unguarded border point. It is just so in Christian life; unconfessed sin inevitably leads to the dangerous second stage of the campaign.

PERSISTENT SIN—Perhaps while still at the sniping stage, even the aggressors have no serious plans to actually assassinate the ruler. However, if the progress should continue relatively unchecked, the rebel activities will persist as intentional plotting begins. Killing is no longer indiscriminate as key members of the government are now targeted. Honesty is often one of the first things to go. In spite of success, we are still experiencing great pressure from our conscience, which is always pointing out our error and pleading with us to cease our activities. So we decide to move to stage three.

CONSCIENCE IS GAGGED—With the conscience bound and gagged, it makes it so much easier "to do what we have to do." The amazing thing is that nobody yet suspects our intentions, well-almost. We're still attending church and giving our ten percent. Everything has proceeded thus far with guarded caution. Yet because we are still feigning allegiance to Christ's authority, we must of necessity occasionally pass through the throne room. Oh, how His stare burns! Although we have fooled everyone else, somehow we know that He knows. So, we attempt to avoid Him. We do so much in the same way a man contemplating adultery avoids his wife. Whenever one avoids prayer, avoids talking to God, he is in perilous danger! But gagging the conscience will be our last, silent maneuver.

TOTAL DEFECT—Jesus Christ does not force His way into our lives. He is not glued to the throne of our hearts. He sits in authority only a as long as we desire to be subject to Him.

He hears us stealing up behind Him, and He understands the sound of a safety being clicked off, but He will not move. He will not summon the palace guard, nor will He struggle. He will only rule as long as you want Him. Finally, the loaded revolver is placed at the base of His skull and the trigger is pulled. You have become a spiritual assassin.

Do you think one can just walk away from God at the drop of a hat? Those who suddenly and brazenly begin to mock God's people and leave the Church, belittling Christianity, have had no sudden change of heart. Their hostility had been silently brewing in their hearts for a long time. How many are there right now involved in one of the latter stages of this evil plot? Can we muster enough courage and spiritual sensitivity to minister to a brother whose heart is growing cold?

Karl Menninger quotes one pastor sick over the spiritual frigidity of his parishioners:

Here they come,
my nonchalants,
my lazy daisies,
their dainty perfume
disturbing the room
the succulent smell
seductive as hell.

Here they are
my pampered flamboyants,
status spoiled, who bring
with exquisite zing
their souls spick and span
protected by Ban,

their hearts young and gay
decked in handsome cliche,
exchanging at my call
with no effort at all
worship for whispering
God for gossiping,
theology for television.

Baptized in the smell
of classic Chanel
I promote their nod
to a jaunty God
Who, they are sure,
is a sparkling gem
superbly right for them.

There they go
my in-crowd
my soft-skinned crowd,
my suntanned, so-so
elegant, swellegant,
natty, delectable,
suave, cool, adorable
DAMNED![7]

The Church needs a baptism with the Holy Ghost and fire, because until then our generation will throng the gates of hell, because no man cried for their Souls.[8]

What an epitaph!